I just finished reading the book, One Step At A Time by Josh Bleill with Mark Tabb. I read
this book, because I’d served in the military, and wanted to know what our
military personnel are dealing with in the war zones since 9/11.
In 2006, Josh was a Lance Corporal in the Marine Reserves in
Indiana. His was called to active duty to serve in a combat zone. In
Fallujah, Josh was severely injured by an IED. He sustained traumatic
amputation of both legs above the knee, and traumatic brain injury (TBI).
The blast injured his buddy - Tim Lang, and killed follow Marines/friends
Joshua Hines and Brock Babb.
John 15:12-13 This is My commandment: that you love one
another [just] as I have loved you. No one has greater love [no one has shown
stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friend.
(Amplified Bible)
Joshua Hines and Brock Babb, and all the other U.S. military
men and women over time, who have given their lives for the sake of democracy
and freedom have shown that greater love. I am grateful for their scarifies,
and their families scarifies. Democracy and freedom are not free and shouldn’t
be taken for granted. We have it at the cost of military members spilled blood
causing loss of life or being maimed for life.
The Marines, soldiers, sailors, and airmen who have been
maimed for life have to find a “new normal” in order to go on with
life. Josh Bleill had to find a new normal, and writes about this in his book.
I read his book with various emotions, not because the book was not good. On
the contrary, this book is quite good, and I feel it should be required reading
for all U.S. citizens and those wanting to become citizens, starting at the high school level on up, because, again,
freedoms like free speech is not free. (I also feel that all should watch the
movie: Taking Chance to include the
Extras the DVD offers.)
Just a few weeks after the Iraq war started in 2003, while
at work, I sustained severe life changing injuries for which I receive
extremely poor medical care. Despite the media stating the U.S. has the “best
health care,” I can certainly say it is not
the best health care after the various forms of negative treatment I
encountered by medical personnel, the lack of care and treatment – injuries
never fixed, the fourth orthopedic doctor - a major sports team doctor who told
me repeatedly, “It was a very complicated injury. I couldn’t fix it all…” yet
none of his reports states this – causing more negative treatment; and what I
still deal with because the damages is now a life time sentence.
I also suffered harassment in the workplace while on what
was supposed to be light duty that contributed to further injuries. These are
the reasons I read Josh’s book with varying emotions.
Josh wrote about the medical care he received, which seemed
so positive and caring – the exact opposite of what I encountered. While
reading, I couldn’t help but wonder where I’d be now if I’d received proper and
caring medical treatment. (I will mention that about two-thirds of the way
through his book, Josh did write about a negative encounter with a doctor - not
one treating him, but one treating his buddy, Tim Lang; and Josh stepped up for
his buddy, letting the doctor know he was out of line. Good for you, Josh. I
wish I’d had a friend like you step up for me.)
Josh had to find that new normal when it came to dealing
with being a double leg amputee. Josh stated, “Getting hurt isn’t supposed to
stop you, it only makes you work harder to get back in the game.”
That game is LIFE
and living it, but there are great challenges to those who deal with leg(s) or
arm(s) amputation or lose of use despite it still being attached. Josh couldn’t
have a job which required standing all day long. There is pain, as well as
fatigue from standing, balancing, and walking on prosthetics.
My upper extremity was not amputated by the injuries, but I
did ask for my hand to be cut off. Amputation wouldn’t stop the neurological
pain and various symptoms the neurological condition causes, but it would stop
the orthopedic pain and more. The doctor wouldn’t amputate. I believe it was because
it would have meant admitting the orthopedic injuries were not all fixed.
Recently, I was asked how do I deal with it all. I answered,
“I don’t have any choice, but to deal with it.” I realized later this wasn’t an
answer, so here is the real deal from those of us with severely damaged
extremity(ies) or amputated extremity(ies.) We deal with it day-by-day, hour-by-hour, and sometimes
minute-by-minute. For me, I talk to God a lot. Those talks include raw,
truthful emotions, even anger. We also learn to fake it until we can make it.
We find a new normal, and get on with
our lives as best we can, and adapting. Because so much is taken away, we work to find new dreams to dream
which give us hope. For me since, I no longer have the leather tooling and piano playing and more abilities, I work towards my dream of being a published writer.
Josh informs the reader how great the obstacles are for
those injured when it comes to finding a job. I understand this all to well. I wanted
and needed to work, not just for a paycheck, but for the emotional well being
too. When it comes to upper extremity disabilities, finding work is difficult.
After losing a good paying job, it took over six and a half stressful years to
get regular employment. It isn’t full time or high dollars, but it is a job I
am grateful for, and when that call came in, I couldn’t help but cry tears of
joy and thanksgiving. This job keeps groceries in the fridge, and has lowered
the stress I felt with needing to keep a roof over my head and utilities paid.
There is nothing extra for driving to do volunteer work, or vacations, Internet,
fancy phones, cable TV, etc., but I have been able to make my “farm” a farm
again after losing my horses (because of the injuries and lost income.) I have
found a love for chickens; and with my eight new hens now laying eggs the Little Bit of Paradise Farm is once again
a farm and not just a place in the country.
I had (have) to find ways to do daily living things that
come easy for other, such as tying shoes. A person does not know just how much
the hands are used, until you lose the use of one. How do you shower, put on deodorant,
dress – pull up your pants, zip & button clothes/coats, or cook, wash dishes, clean,
fold clothes, mow the lawn, etc. or drive a stick shift truck in the middle of
winter with one hand? How do you open jars? I know, but I had to figure it out all
on my own.
I have had well meaning people try to give advice on
how to do something, but don’t realized that when they say, “You could do it
like this” they are actually still using both hands until I tell them to look
at themselves. In addition, there are others who don’t understand what I call
“body mechanics.” They think because my disabled hand is on the lawn mower
handle, snow shovel, or rake handle that I must be using it. No, I do this for
balance reasons. And what I deal with can’t be fixed by “doing more therapy” as
some of said.
Josh writes about the support of his family and friends
during his long recovery. He mentions that Tim Lang also had the support of his
family. Josh wrote, “Family is family.” Unfortunately, that is not the case for
everyone.
Another extremely important subject Josh writes about is Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that many members of the military who
have been in war zones suffer from. It is not something anyone can understand,
unless they have experienced it.
Before I was injured on the job, I was, once, walking down
the hallway behind two psychology students who were counseling veterans. One
female student joked and laughed to the other about how she showed a military
movie to Vietnam vets and “wonder how many of them would end up under the table.”
I never endured a combat zone, but I did endure another kind
of war – that of abuse within a family. Having come from a majorly
dysfunctional family, where my birth mother and some of her boyfriends were
abusive, I know that not all families are caring and loving. Some are just
people related by blood. My own mother said I “lived in a fantasy world” for
believing that families could love one another and be there for each other. I
do know that it can and does exist - Josh and Tim have it, and many others have
it, as well.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers (I
believe this should read – mothers and fathers) do not irritate and provoke
your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly]
in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.
(Amplified Bible)
I believe the above verse speaks of abusiveness by a parent.
When I was a child, I believed greatly in the Bible verse of “obey your mother
and father.” In fact, my birth mother is the one responsible for my siblings
and I starting out in the church – hearing sermons piped into the nursery when
we were babies; but she was “heavy handed” when it came to punishments, and
then it became abusive. Mom used my dad to get a college education, all the
while having affairs, then filing for divorce.
I knew she never wanted custody of us, only taking us after
one man she’d had an affair with, told her he wouldn’t have any respect for
her as a mother if she didn’t take custody of her children. What did he really
know of respect if he was married,
knew my father because of being the farrier for our horses at the time, and who
was having an affair with my mother who was married?
Any kind of abuse can leave scars, but when you’re a child,
like me, living in a war of abuse, where a mother rants and raves for hours,
making you stand or sit there the whole time without saying a word, and who
hits for no reason, or throws things around screaming and cursing, you suffer
trauma to the psyche. There are nightmares and flashbacks, just like war
veterans have. You are different. And as an adult, if you talk about it, people
don’t understand. Some will even say, “Get over it!” They don’t understand that
by talking about it, you are not asking for attention or special treatment, you
are just trying to find answers so you can heal. (And for those who have been
abused, who use what they’ve been through as an excuse to do wrong. It is not a
“Get Out of Jail” free card to do wrong or become abusive towards others.)
To those two psychology students who do not know what a war
zone is like, and who should never counsel people because of their negative
attitudes, and to people who are critical of those who are scarred by child
abuse, it is not that easy to just “get over it.” Unless those who suffer from
war trauma and child abuse trauma are given the tools and help needed, they
don’t know how to get over it. And it is not because they want a pity party by
others. In fact, most will shun themselves from others because of the lack of
understanding and care.
What is needed? What must you and I do?
Love needs to be put into action. Romans 12 verse 9 - [Let
your] Love be sincere: Hate what is evil; but hold fast to that which is
good…verse 14 - Bless those who persecute you [who are cruel in their attitude
toward you]; bless and do not curse them…verse 17 – Repay no one evil for evil,
but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above
reproach] in the sight of everyone…verse 19 – Beloved, never avenge yourselves,
but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written; Vengeance is Mine,
I will repay (requite), says the Lord.
I learned that the hands have more nerves concentrated in
them than any other part of the body, and to greatly appreciate what still works.
What I have learned while reading Josh’s book is that I have to let God take
care of the wrong doings that occurred with the medical treatment or lack there
of; and that sometimes great things can happen after awful things take place.
In conclusion, I will add my thoughts, some which have gone
through my head for quite some time: Babies are not born hating others.
Babies want to be loved. Hate is something that is taught. Families
need to be more than people related by blood. Put away the cellphones &
games, stop the adult partying, and stop thinking of just you (being selfish).
That cellphone/game is not going to be there - to help you if you get injured
or as you age - sitting there alone.
People relationships - family and friends are what we need,
because God made us “social animals.” God made us needing a pack, so to speak.
In other words, we need family, which includes extended family – grandparents,
aunts, uncles, and cousins. And if you find someone who is alone in this world,
make them an “adopted family member”, it will mean more than you may ever know.
Being a family should mean each member is cared about and
loved, as unconditional as humanly possible. Mothers and fathers need to step
up and be parents. Be a positive, loving example and teach, speed time with,
& nurture your child/children. Teaching includes disciplining, but not in
an abusive manner. Teach children to love and give back in a positive way to
this world. Teach manners and respect, not only respect for themselves, but for
others as well, and for our world – the Earth.
If we, the whole earthly population, could do this, we
wouldn’t have another Josh going to war, losing his legs; and we wouldn’t have
children scarred from child abuse.
Please take time to read Josh Bleill’s book One Step At A Time.
****It is also my hope that if one person reading this blog
post is helped, then the difficulty I had writing the truths of my own
experiences will be worth all the pain, both physical (typing is not an easy
task now) and emotional I endured.
When I was a child, there were child abuse laws, and there
were adults who knew of the abuse, yet never reported it. I ask that if you see
or know of any form of abuse to a child, that you report it, and keep reporting
it until something is done to help that child.****
