Josh Bleill's Book: One Step At A Time, Good/Bad Medical Care, War Trauma, PTSD, and Child Abuse Trauma

I just finished reading the book, One Step At A Time by Josh Bleill with Mark Tabb. I read this book, because I’d served in the military, and wanted to know what our military personnel are dealing with in the war zones since 9/11.

In 2006, Josh was a Lance Corporal in the Marine Reserves in Indiana. His was called to active duty to serve in a combat zone. In Fallujah, Josh was severely injured by an IED. He sustained traumatic amputation of both legs above the knee, and traumatic brain injury (TBI). The blast injured his buddy - Tim Lang, and killed follow Marines/friends Joshua Hines and Brock Babb.

John 15:12-13 This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you. No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friend. (Amplified Bible)

Joshua Hines and Brock Babb, and all the other U.S. military men and women over time, who have given their lives for the sake of democracy and freedom have shown that greater love. I am grateful for their scarifies, and their families scarifies. Democracy and freedom are not free and shouldn’t be taken for granted. We have it at the cost of military members spilled blood causing loss of life or being maimed for life.

The Marines, soldiers, sailors, and airmen who have been maimed for life have to find a “new normal” in order to go on with life. Josh Bleill had to find a new normal, and writes about this in his book. I read his book with various emotions, not because the book was not good. On the contrary, this book is quite good, and I feel it should be required reading for all U.S. citizens and those wanting to become citizens, starting at the high school level on up, because, again, freedoms like free speech is not free. (I also feel that all should watch the movie: Taking Chance to include the Extras the DVD offers.)

Just a few weeks after the Iraq war started in 2003, while at work, I sustained severe life changing injuries for which I receive extremely poor medical care. Despite the media stating the U.S. has the “best health care,” I can certainly say it is not the best health care after the various forms of negative treatment I encountered by medical personnel, the lack of care and treatment – injuries never fixed, the fourth orthopedic doctor - a major sports team doctor who told me repeatedly, “It was a very complicated injury. I couldn’t fix it all…” yet none of his reports states this – causing more negative treatment; and what I still deal with because the damages is now a life time sentence.

I also suffered harassment in the workplace while on what was supposed to be light duty that contributed to further injuries. These are the reasons I read Josh’s book with varying emotions.

Josh wrote about the medical care he received, which seemed so positive and caring – the exact opposite of what I encountered. While reading, I couldn’t help but wonder where I’d be now if I’d received proper and caring medical treatment. (I will mention that about two-thirds of the way through his book, Josh did write about a negative encounter with a doctor - not one treating him, but one treating his buddy, Tim Lang; and Josh stepped up for his buddy, letting the doctor know he was out of line. Good for you, Josh. I wish I’d had a friend like you step up for me.)

Josh had to find that new normal when it came to dealing with being a double leg amputee. Josh stated, “Getting hurt isn’t supposed to stop you, it only makes you work harder to get back in the game.”

That game is LIFE and living it, but there are great challenges to those who deal with leg(s) or arm(s) amputation or lose of use despite it still being attached. Josh couldn’t have a job which required standing all day long. There is pain, as well as fatigue from standing, balancing, and walking on prosthetics.

My upper extremity was not amputated by the injuries, but I did ask for my hand to be cut off. Amputation wouldn’t stop the neurological pain and various symptoms the neurological condition causes, but it would stop the orthopedic pain and more. The doctor wouldn’t amputate. I believe it was because it would have meant admitting the orthopedic injuries were not all fixed.

Recently, I was asked how do I deal with it all. I answered, “I don’t have any choice, but to deal with it.” I realized later this wasn’t an answer, so here is the real deal from those of us with severely damaged extremity(ies) or amputated extremity(ies.) We deal with it day-by-day, hour-by-hour, and sometimes minute-by-minute. For me, I talk to God a lot. Those talks include raw, truthful emotions, even anger. We also learn to fake it until we can make it. We find a new normal, and get on with our lives as best we can, and adapting. Because so much is taken away, we work to find new dreams to dream which give us hope. For me since, I no longer have the leather tooling and piano playing and more abilities, I work towards my dream of being a published writer.

Josh informs the reader how great the obstacles are for those injured when it comes to finding a job. I understand this all to well. I wanted and needed to work, not just for a paycheck, but for the emotional well being too. When it comes to upper extremity disabilities, finding work is difficult. After losing a good paying job, it took over six and a half stressful years to get regular employment. It isn’t full time or high dollars, but it is a job I am grateful for, and when that call came in, I couldn’t help but cry tears of joy and thanksgiving. This job keeps groceries in the fridge, and has lowered the stress I felt with needing to keep a roof over my head and utilities paid. There is nothing extra for driving to do volunteer work, or vacations, Internet, fancy phones, cable TV, etc., but I have been able to make my “farm” a farm again after losing my horses (because of the injuries and lost income.) I have found a love for chickens; and with my eight new hens now laying eggs the Little Bit of Paradise Farm is once again a farm and not just a place in the country.

I had (have) to find ways to do daily living things that come easy for other, such as tying shoes. A person does not know just how much the hands are used, until you lose the use of one. How do you shower, put on deodorant, dress – pull up your pants, zip & button clothes/coats, or cook, wash dishes, clean, fold clothes, mow the lawn, etc. or drive a stick shift truck in the middle of winter with one hand? How do you open jars? I know, but I had to figure it out all on my own.

I have had well meaning people try to give advice on how to do something, but don’t realized that when they say, “You could do it like this” they are actually still using both hands until I tell them to look at themselves. In addition, there are others who don’t understand what I call “body mechanics.” They think because my disabled hand is on the lawn mower handle, snow shovel, or rake handle that I must be using it. No, I do this for balance reasons. And what I deal with can’t be fixed by “doing more therapy” as some of said.

Josh writes about the support of his family and friends during his long recovery. He mentions that Tim Lang also had the support of his family. Josh wrote, “Family is family.” Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone.

Another extremely important subject Josh writes about is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that many members of the military who have been in war zones suffer from. It is not something anyone can understand, unless they have experienced it.

Before I was injured on the job, I was, once, walking down the hallway behind two psychology students who were counseling veterans. One female student joked and laughed to the other about how she showed a military movie to Vietnam vets and “wonder how many of them would end up under the table.”

I never endured a combat zone, but I did endure another kind of war – that of abuse within a family. Having come from a majorly dysfunctional family, where my birth mother and some of her boyfriends were abusive, I know that not all families are caring and loving. Some are just people related by blood. My own mother said I “lived in a fantasy world” for believing that families could love one another and be there for each other. I do know that it can and does exist - Josh and Tim have it, and many others have it, as well.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers (I believe this should read – mothers and fathers) do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (Amplified Bible)

I believe the above verse speaks of abusiveness by a parent. When I was a child, I believed greatly in the Bible verse of “obey your mother and father.” In fact, my birth mother is the one responsible for my siblings and I starting out in the church – hearing sermons piped into the nursery when we were babies; but she was “heavy handed” when it came to punishments, and then it became abusive. Mom used my dad to get a college education, all the while having affairs, then filing for divorce.

I knew she never wanted custody of us, only taking us after one man she’d had an affair with, told her he wouldn’t have any respect for her as a mother if she didn’t take custody of her children. What did he really know of respect if he was married, knew my father because of being the farrier for our horses at the time, and who was having an affair with my mother who was married?

Any kind of abuse can leave scars, but when you’re a child, like me, living in a war of abuse, where a mother rants and raves for hours, making you stand or sit there the whole time without saying a word, and who hits for no reason, or throws things around screaming and cursing, you suffer trauma to the psyche. There are nightmares and flashbacks, just like war veterans have. You are different. And as an adult, if you talk about it, people don’t understand. Some will even say, “Get over it!” They don’t understand that by talking about it, you are not asking for attention or special treatment, you are just trying to find answers so you can heal. (And for those who have been abused, who use what they’ve been through as an excuse to do wrong. It is not a “Get Out of Jail” free card to do wrong or become abusive towards others.)

To those two psychology students who do not know what a war zone is like, and who should never counsel people because of their negative attitudes, and to people who are critical of those who are scarred by child abuse, it is not that easy to just “get over it.” Unless those who suffer from war trauma and child abuse trauma are given the tools and help needed, they don’t know how to get over it. And it is not because they want a pity party by others. In fact, most will shun themselves from others because of the lack of understanding and care.

What is needed? What must you and I do?

Love needs to be put into action. Romans 12 verse 9 - [Let your] Love be sincere: Hate what is evil; but hold fast to that which is good…verse 14 - Bless those who persecute you [who are cruel in their attitude toward you]; bless and do not curse them…verse 17 – Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone…verse 19 – Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written; Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord.

I learned that the hands have more nerves concentrated in them than any other part of the body, and to greatly appreciate what still works. What I have learned while reading Josh’s book is that I have to let God take care of the wrong doings that occurred with the medical treatment or lack there of; and that sometimes great things can happen after awful things take place.

In conclusion, I will add my thoughts, some which have gone through my head for quite some time: Babies are not born hating others. Babies want to be loved. Hate is something that is taught. Families need to be more than people related by blood. Put away the cellphones & games, stop the adult partying, and stop thinking of just you (being selfish). That cellphone/game is not going to be there - to help you if you get injured or as you age - sitting there alone.

People relationships - family and friends are what we need, because God made us “social animals.” God made us needing a pack, so to speak. In other words, we need family, which includes extended family – grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. And if you find someone who is alone in this world, make them an “adopted family member”, it will mean more than you may ever know.

Being a family should mean each member is cared about and loved, as unconditional as humanly possible. Mothers and fathers need to step up and be parents. Be a positive, loving example and teach, speed time with, & nurture your child/children. Teaching includes disciplining, but not in an abusive manner. Teach children to love and give back in a positive way to this world. Teach manners and respect, not only respect for themselves, but for others as well, and for our world – the Earth.

If we, the whole earthly population, could do this, we wouldn’t have another Josh going to war, losing his legs; and we wouldn’t have children scarred from child abuse.

Please take time to read Josh Bleill’s book One Step At A Time. 

****It is also my hope that if one person reading this blog post is helped, then the difficulty I had writing the truths of my own experiences will be worth all the pain, both physical (typing is not an easy task now) and emotional I endured.

When I was a child, there were child abuse laws, and there were adults who knew of the abuse, yet never reported it. I ask that if you see or know of any form of abuse to a child, that you report it, and keep reporting it until something is done to help that child.****

Newest Chickens Being Named

Pecky Sue
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

“The Hens Nest Inn” newest girls either have names or will have one when they get a colored leg band on, so that they can be identified with a particular name. This means, we can’t tell them apart from the others - Black Australorps or Rhode Island Reds, because they have no distinguishing markings or personality to set them apart. More names came to mind or were suggested than we had chicks, so some will be put in reserve for when new chicks come.

The first to get a name was Pecky Sue, a Rhode Island Red. There is some old song titled Peggy Sue, which was part of the inspiration. The other part was this chick liked to peck on me. This started back in June.

The second to be named was a Black Australorp whose tail feathers go down rather than up. She was the first of the Australorps to become friendly – allowing me to pet her and taking food from my hand. She was first called Onyx, which has now become Onyx O’Peeps, since it was decided we wanted fun names for the chicks.

Onyx O'Peeps
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

Annie Yolkley
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

Annie Yolkley
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

The youngest and smallest Rhode Island Red chick became Annie Yolkley. She seems to be having bad feather days, or if it is possible, she has a cowlick in her feathers. Her back feathers don’t lie over her tail feathers. You can see this in the following two pictures.

Amelia Egghart
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

One Black Australorp’s ear lobes just recently changed from red to white, so she is Amelia Egghart. She was the second Australorp to realize being petted wasn’t so bad after all.

 The biggest Black Australorp is also the most chicken chicken of them all. This means she is afraid of being touched - still. She is now Darth Nester. Although, she frightens easily, she was making a sound the other day, and had her tail feathers fully fluffed out when a hawk was flying overhead screeching. I think it was a warning sound. It was nothing I’d heard from a chicken before.

Darth Nester
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons
August 2016

That leaves three without a name at this time, but one of the following will be used: Miss Cluckingsworth, Miss Eggs-a-lot, Chick Norris, Scarlet O’Henny, Dolly Cluckton, Oprah Peepfrey, or Peepy Longstocking. I am leaning towards Chick Norris and Scarlet O’Henny for two of them.

If you have any fun chicken names you would like to suggest, please leave a comment. Thanks for reading!

Deaf Dog Hope Learns a New Sign

Deaf Dog Hope
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons July 2016

When Deaf Dog Hope was first adopted, she was really quiet when she went outside to do her business. This lasted three weeks. Then, one winter day, the neighbors’ dog was on our property, just outside the dogs’ fence. When Hope went outside, this dog startled her by just being there, so after that she would go out and bark like crazy.

I spoke with the trainers we were working with to understand this situation. They said because Hope was deaf, she was barking in this wild, aggressive manner to compensating for her deafness, or trying to cover it up by letting any predators (or other dogs) know that she was big and bad and not to mess with her. In other words, it was a protective defense.

The problem for me was the loudness of Hope’s barks. She barked like a banshee. It was earsplitting for me. She had no volume control, because she couldn’t hear herself. And despite living in the country, there are neighbors close by.

For a long time, Hope would do her barking thing, then stop - maybe realizing that there were no predators around. More recently, she’s decided to continue this barking, so I had to figure out how I was going to teach her to stop barking or to be quiet.

The cool thing about Hope is that she’s really smart. I think it’s the Border collie part of her that helps her learn and puzzle through things when we work on training and a new sign, and this helps her figure things out quickly. Many times, it’s harder for me to work through how I am going to teach something new and the new sign in a way for Hope to understand what I want.

Hope pouncing on her spikey ball - her favorite toy.
(Because she is so fast, it is difficult not to having blurring
in a photo when she is playing.)
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons July 2016

Another thing about deaf dogs, is that they learn to "read" their human(s), as far as mood. Hope figures out when I am playing around and when I am being serious. (Hearing dogs can get the tone of a human to know when they are mad, but they don't always pick it up just by looking at a human.)

A few weeks ago, Hope went out first thing in the early morning, along with the other dogs. She immediately started her banshee barking. I quickly opened the door. Hope stopped barking as I gave her a stern look (because I was frustrated) and put my index finger to my mouth - the way we humans tell another human to be quiet. Because she’d stopped barking, I quickly gave her the “thumbs-up” sign. This is her equivalent to a click when clicker training a hearing dog – letting the dog know they did something right.

Hope's all white left side - albino white.
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons July 2016

Hope understood the “I mean business” look. She swiftly figured out this new sign and what she needs to do. Now I don’t have to give the stern look. I just use the sign. Overly barking problem – solved!

How many signs does Hope know? She knows sit, down (as in lay down), sit back up, come, watch/look at me, wait/stay, release, target hand or object, go to mat/crate, no, shake, high-five, thumbs-up; and I can point a direction I want her to go and she’ll walk in that direction. She also knows the sign to stand between my legs and to do a clockwise circle – although we haven’t done these for a while. The latter two were things I wanted to do, along with adding more tricks & signs, because there are dogs that dance with their humans.

Hope's right side with some color.
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons July 2016

Update - Honeybees, Pippin's Surgery, and the Baby Chick

Today, I am updating information on three previous posts. First, my beehive is doing well in its new location. I was able to put the second super on the hive on June 5^th. This was a lot earlier than I’ve been able to do in the past.

Honeybees on frame they are drawing out comb.
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons June 2016

 That day, the bee girls were working to fill the outer frames in the first super. This was something that hadn’t been done before either. The previous groups of bees drew out the comb, but didn’t get food store in those frames. With this current group of bees, the frames are being filled with food stores for the winter.

Again, I checked the hive on June 30^th. The middle frame in the upper super was filled end to end, and from top to bottom with brood, most capped. A few cells were open and I could see the larva. Having the frame so full is something I did not see with previous queens. In addition, several other frames were being filled with more food for the winter.

Top of hiving with one frame removed so you can see
honeybee activity.
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons June 2016

It is a great relief to see positive things with this hive. I believe this confirms the theory about the vehicle exhaust and carbon monoxide affecting my previous groups of bees while in the old location near the road.

 (The second hive didn’t get set up. The free wild honeybees that I was supposed to get fell through.)

Second update – Miss Pippin O’Chi made it through the surgery without any problems – other than her poor belly was growling from hunger. (She couldn’t have breakfast the morning of the surgery.) Thankfully, there were only two baby teeth that hadn’t come out. One had caused her lower canine tooth (fang) to move out towards the front teeth, and this has caused some crowding.

I was anxious for Pippin. Waiting hours for word that Pippin came through the surgery brought up memories of Koda and the loss I feel for him. Spritzen Nala O’Chi seemed worried as well. She didn’t seem to understand why Pippin was able to get in the carrying crate, and she wasn’t allowed to get in it as usual.

When Pippin arrived home safe and sound, Spritzen checked Pippin over from nose to tail to make sure she was okay. Then, Spritzen was ready to rough house, something Pippin wasn’t ready to do. Snuggling on the couch with me was a great alternative.

Pippin chewing on her dragon. Hope had been helping.
Photo by Tracey R. Simmons July 2016

It didn't take long for Pippin to get back to playing with Spritzen and Hope. In fact, she and Hope have tried to have races back and forth from the kitchen to the living room - this in a tiny house, so it's just a few feet. It works for a little chi, but for a big Border Collie/Husky mix, it sounds like a bull in a china shop.

Third update – the baby chick whose foot was broken. The answer to the prayers I wanted was for her to heal and grow into a beautiful Rhode Island Red hen that would follow me around when I was outside with her. Unfortunately, she died despite all my efforts.

Photo by Tracey R. Simmons 2016

There is a condition called “starve-out” in baby chicks. As I wrote in the previous post, chicks can live the first two days without food while being shipped, because they are still absorbing nutrients from the egg. After this time, it is very important that they start drinking and eating. If for some reason they don’t, their little bodies go into this starve-out mode. With this I have read that sometimes they can be save, but not always. I believe it would depend on the amount of time the chick was suffering from this condition before being caught and corrective action being taken.

At the farm store, despite plenty of water and food being provided for all the chicks in the holding tank, this little chick was not able to get to either because of her foot. My guess is that more than 24 hours had gone by from when this chick along with her sisters had arrived.

The frustrating and sad thing about this situation is that the chick’s foot would have healed. The rehabber was confident about this. I did everything I knew to get the chick to eat and drink, including wetting her food and carefully putting it in her mouth. She did rally for a few hours, but then she gave up.

I’ve seen animals give up on life before, and even saved a kitten that had given up – she used what little strength she had to clamp her mouth shut - refusing to eat. I, literally, had to pry her mouth open to put in food, then rub her throat to get her to swallow it. This kitten had given up, and death had his hand wrapped around her - ready to take her, but I said “no” and fought against him. I kept proving love and nourishment until her body and mind had the desire to live again. Sadly, this did not work for the baby chick, but the chick did know that a human love her even though her life was cut short. She is buried next to Koda.

Life is precious, all of life!!